How Intentional Relationships Fit Together


February 6, 2013

Over the last few weeks, we've looked at all four of the main intentional relationships now. There's coaching, consulting, mentoring, and counseling. But how do they work together?

Puzzle PiecesThink of the four as puzzle pieces that fit together to grow disciples...and which approach you use depends on where the other person is and what they need.

Remember that through it all our goal is to facilitate change in the person were coaching. So that's our end goal, and how we measure whether we're effective. All of the tools in our toolkit are available for that purpose.

With that in mind, it's imperative to remember that coaching needs to be your default.  By design, you always want to listen first, ask bold questions, and draw out action steps from the people you're talking with. That's what a coach does.

But the other intentional relationships absolutely do have a role to play. Sometimes you'll find your clients stuck, or not able to brainstorm a new solution, or maybe you just won't have the right question that gets them moving forward again. I want to suggest that it's healthy to admit that there are times when stepping out of coaching--just for a moment--can add energy back into your relationship and get your client moving forward again.

And this is the key: it's got to be about the clients. You don't step out of coaching just because you have something valuable to add.  The best coaches only do that when the client is stuck--it has to be about them.  I know a coach that will only step out of the coaching role when his client asks him--he NEVER offers. Only upon request. That might be a rule of thumb that would work for you.

And even if you do step out of coaching role, always always always have a strategy for how to get back there.  Here's the one I use: I watch for a breakthrough. As soon as the lightbulb turns on, I revert back to coaching in that I begin to draw out application. Think about that: breakthrough then application.  It's all about what's going on in the life, ministry and work of the person being coached.  

Give yourself permission to occasionally mentor (to teach a skill that you have) but then get back to coaching. Or give yourself permission to counsel to help them deal with the emotion that's come up. But then get back to coaching. You can even occasionally consult, as long as you get back to coaching.  As always, coaching needs to be your default..

For more from Jonathan Reitz, please click here.

Jonathan ReitzJonathan Reitz has a number of impressive titles at CoachNet Global (Chairman/CEO/Guy with Coffee).  Jonathan has been coaching since 1996 and has worked with over 500 clients in the church, the non-profit sector and the business world. 

  “Coaching plays a part in the kind of leadership the world needs,” says Jonathan Reitz.  “I want to be a part of that.”

Contact Jonathan Reitz at or by phone at 440.550.4374.  Follow him on Twitter @jonathanreitz

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